Disclaimer: This document is provided for informational and entertainment purposes. It is not intended as promotion or incitement to the use of illicit substances. The reader is invited to comply with the law and the relevant applicable regulations.
Ah, the holidays… Finally one of the most beautiful moments of the year has arrived. The temperature becomes sparkling (if not really frosty), streets and houses are illuminated and decorated and the air is filled with the typical scents of citrus, fireplaces, cinnamon, and … Legal cannabis! That’s right! The holiday season for most connoisseurs of legal cannabis means more free time and of course, more time to devote to relaxation. In Italy, we have a thousand traditions that accompany the holidays. Among all of them, differences between region and region, there is one that unites the whole Bel Paese. The propitiatory legal cannabis of the dinner. Sooner or later we all found ourselves in the situation. You take advantage of the confusion of relatives and you find yourself sneaking among brothers, cousins, and uncles, to share some beautiful tasty buds. Strictly in secret, protected from the prying eyes of that police uncle (real or missed) or of the ultra-Orthodox religious grandmother.
In this festive mini-guide we had fun putting together years of experience and practical advice to help you enjoy this tradition in peace and without ruining the dinner to anyone.
Legal cannabis at the dinner: how to prepare for the mission impossible
The goal is simple: sneak away from the family reunion to savor some festive buds. Relax, prepare to endure the inquisition of the aunts, and return home with the appropriate appetite for dinner. The necessary stratagems are as varied as the wild mess of people we call family. To help you in the mission, we have collected testimonies (anonymous of course) and advice from “expert” users of this beautiful and ancient festive tradition. Let’s start from the beginning.
What you must not forget
This is a list of the essential elements for the success of the operation:
- Eye drops (preferably natural based on euphrasia and chamomile, avoid antihistamines because they can create problems with circulation and pressure, especially with alcohol);
- Deodorant spray (we recommend indoor or personal deodorant based on Limonene. The smell of citrus covers the pungent aroma of cannabis very well);
- Scented wet wipes;
- Lighter (working);
- Papers and filter tips;
- Some quality buds, compact and tasty.
- A dog! This could be the ideal excuse to go out… but don’t worry, if you don’t have a four-legged friend available, we will see this point later in detail. And we really thought of something for all needs.
What you should avoid
Tradition is important, but be careful not to overdo it. After all, you don’t want to be the family Grinch…
- Avoid infused food (edibles). Cookies, gums, and infused candies may seem like a good alternative but be careful! They are heavy, especially if there is someone with you who is not used to it, you risk spending the evening having to explain why you and your cousin are so sleepy. And also, you don’t want to spoil your appetite…
- Oils, extractions, and concentrates are very powerful, they could be good for an after dinner. Surely they will not help you to be convivial at the table.
- Bongs, pipes, chillums, are difficult to hide and after being used, if you can not wash them, they smell a lot. You risk coming back into the house with a foul-smelling cloud around. Not recommended for this occasion.
Agreeing with any participants first is a good idea. Especially if there is someone in the family, more experienced than you. You definitely don’t want to be the last to know where, how, and when the plan will go on stage.
Marco, an expert in this ancient tradition, advises: “… I always greet grandparents and uncles as soon as I see them, I never risk having to hug or kiss someone with the smell of skunk on me…”
Use the TV to sync
TV can be a great way to sync with your accomplices, and it’s also a great diversion. Use the TV schedule as a clock. For example, the Holy Mass on the 24th, usually before dinner, can be the ideal time to sneak without giving too much in the eye. The most believing family members, usually even the most suspicious, will be busy in front of the screen and probably won’t have much to say if you and the funky gang of brothers, cousins, and uncles decide to go for a walk.
For an encore, take advantage of the second evening. Chiara, an expert on escapes from dinners, recommends: “… as soon as we see pictures of Philadelphia’s financial district, my cousin and I exchange a glance and get up for a walk in the parking lot below the house. Trading Places is our signal! We know the film by heart and then, after the short ‘walk’, we return home in the mood to enjoy our annual dose of Eddie Murphy and Dan Aykroyd…”
Few excuses, but effective
No need to make super complicated plans. The simple phrase “let’s go for a walk” should be able to guarantee you the green light at least 8 times out of 10. If then in the house there is some “carabinieri” who wants to join the stroll, try to throw down a simple excuse like “… it’s just between cousins…”. Reinforce the situation by speaking directly to your accomplices “… we only see each other once a year and we have a lot of things to talk about…”.
Luca, a veteran of the tradition recalls: “My brother and I always say we want to take a brisk walk before dinner to stimulate the appetite. When we return smiling and hungry, mother, grandmother, and aunts are very happy to offer us all their delicacies that of course, we accept gladly. Everyone is happy.”
Leaving objects in the car is an ideal excuse. At the appropriate time, remember to have to go out quickly to get something. Gifts and bulky or numerous packages are always the right choices. They require more than one person. If you choose this strategy, park a little far away, so no one will worry if it takes you 5-10 minutes to return. Ultimately, you can always count on the classic “I forgot to buy cigarettes”. Although with this technique, a possible delay could be worrying…
Develop a secret code
If you are a beginner at this tradition, try to develop a code with your accomplices. A banal phrase like “I really need to get air…” could be the ideal signal. The expert Chiara says: “My cousin and I call weed ‘coffee’, so our secret code has always been ‘it’s time for a nice coffee’. This gives us the opportunity to leave the living room and go to the kitchen. Once we put the Moka on the stove we just have to go out on the balcony to take two shots in peace, away from prying eyes …”
Choose the right place
For heaven’s sake, do not choose the car. There is nothing worse than working out a perfect plan and then coming back with a blanket of funky smoke like the 70s. Cannabis is renowned for its affinity with clothes, hair, skin, everything!
A nice walk in the condominium parking lot, a nearby park or a simple tour of the block are all more than acceptable solutions.
Garages and cellars offer an additional opportunity. Finished the wine? Offer to go and pick it up in the cellar. Need more beer? Luckily you have been provident and you have an extra six-pack in the garage … In any case, if you perform the ritual of tradition indoors, remember to take off your woolen jackets and hats so as not to make it absorb the funk.
Add a seat at the table
With the general relaxation towards legal cannabis, don’t be surprised if a relative asks to join the group for the tradition. Be careful, however, that if the request comes from an ultra-prohibitionist relative, it could be a trap! In this case, try to probe the ground before consenting. If something sounds wrong, don’t worry about reiterating that it’s a stroll between a select few…
Prepare for your return
Your return ‘to society’ must be planned just as well, as the exit. Remember the list of essentials we made at the beginning? Well, now is the time to use them. Use a citrus deodorant on clothes and hair. Clean your hands with a refreshing wipe. If you plan close contact with your relatives when returning home, do not hesitate and also use eye drops. Also, chewing mint gum can definitely keep you safe from any kisses and hugs.
If you don’t have any accomplices
Are you alone and have no siblings, cousins, or other complicit relatives available? No problem. This tradition can also be enjoyed alone! The solo walk can definitely create problems for you. Instead, take time for yourself, a secondary bathroom, the guest bedroom or your own room are the ideal places. Remember to cover the slot under the door with a towel and if your buds are particularly fragrant, maybe cover the keyhole as well.
Antonio, ceremonial grand master of tradition advises: “… regularly before dinner, I close myself in the bathroom with the excuse of evacuating the aperitif and making room for dinner. In this way, no one will want to come and check and above all, no one will wonder why when I get out, the bathroom smells like the inside of a beauty center or a perfumery …”.
Finally the dinner!
The time has come. If you have done everything right and have been scrupulous, you are going to enjoy one of the most beautiful xmas dinners of your life. You will certainly not lack appetite and you can make happy all the various relatives who have prepared or brought something. Compliment everyone and do the encore. You’ll also have the mood to put up with the terrible jokes of some missed stand-up comedian uncle. When dinner is over, you are left with just one task: find a nice comfortable and relaxed seat while the perfect combination of flavonoids, terpenes, cannabinoids, and tryptophans will lull you until it’s time to say good night to everyone and enjoy the well-deserved rest.